Even though I have the time to go into super-details about last weeks happenings... I'm going to give highlights because frankly, the week wore me out to the point that I'm too tired to even blog about it!
Basically the big things are as follows....
- Drama with ballroom....
- Classes
- Coming home next weekend
- P90x
I'm so frustrated with this right now. As soon as I make up my mind to not be a part of ballroom, EVERYTHING, and I mean everything combines to tell me NO. Which is hard because I honestly don't know where to go from here. There are people who would entirely support my decision one way or the other...and then obviously it's those same people who cause problems when it goes one way instead of the other.
My director is desperate not to lose me as a dancer. Meaning that he will basically compromise on anything that I put forward right now in order to keep me on the team.... but does that mean I should stay? If all of the things I was worrying about in conjunction with ballroom are changed.......then isn't that enough of a reason to stay? It's like I can actually have my cake and eat it too. I was worried about how expensive team was and the traveling....and he told me that I didn't have to pay those fees if I wasn't traveling.... which takes the pressure off financially, and I don't have to worry about traveling.
I feel like such a Diva. making all these demands..... but I guess if the ballroom shoe fits..... diva it is.
Classes: this was one of the main reasons if not THE reason for wanting to leave the team. My grades are great....but great isn't good enough. They need to be brilliant in order for me to get into Nursing school.... and obviously ballroom competes with academics for attention. Like I said in a previous blog, I'm married to my major and having an affair with ballroom....and they are both jealous, possessive lovers.
Overall things are going well, it's just the constant dull throb of pressure to do well.... which is heavily self-inflicted, and then when anyone else adds to the pressure it nearly sends me into a nervous conniption.
Next Weekend: So the weekend of Oct 16th-19th I'll be back in SLC, and my weekend is already packed.... but it'll be really nice to have my time filled by fun things versus the usual serving of stress with a side of anxiety and exhaustion for dessert. I'll get to see my family, and visit friends that I haven't seen since the summer... I honestly can't believe it's already the middle of October.... I just hope that the rest of the year flies by this quickly....that would be GREAT.
Don't get me wrong, I love where I'm at and SUU was a perfect fit for me and my academic goals... I just feel like I'm in limbo right now....stuck inbetween the "fun college days" and nursing school. I just wanna get into nursing school and haul headfirst into health-science oblivion. Those days will come soon enough.... I'm just trying to live in the now and pay attention. I don't want to miss out on my life right now because I'm always worried about the future. If you take care of all your 'todays' then you set yourself up for a bunch of great 'tomorrows'....
P90x: Okay, Alycia is in TERRIBLE SHAPE. Yes it could be worse. Definitely. I could weigh 500lbs and be confined to an over sized bed, watching reality TV for days on end, eating deep-fried chocolate covered bon bons dipped in cool whip and have cellulite in places that I can't even see....because my mid section would be too big for me to see over......... but wow. I had no idea how NOT in shape I was. There is this concept called "skinny-fat" where people look skinny but are actually out of shape. I used to tease my super thin friends in high school because, although they only weighed 110lbs, they'd be winded after going up a flight of stairs.....
In my mind, I thought, "You dance 15hours a week...you look great....." but oh HALLO. I definitely look more in shape than I am.......So.... In an effort to fix this skinny-fat problem that I have, I ordered p90x after seeing a bunch of my friends achieve amazing results.
Oct 11th is today and was my first official day on P90x....
Another thought I had, "All the people in the before-and-afters are major flabby-fatties when they start out...you should have no problem getting through the workout." I am here to admit to the cyber-world, that that workout kicked my trash.
Problem 1: The history of Alycia's ability to do push ups.... non-existent. I don't think I've ever done ONE successful push-up...in my entire life.... and there are 5 different variations of push-ups in the first workout haha. F A I L
Problem 2: I was trying to do this workout in my room....which was waaaaaaaaay too small to facilitate such an endeavor...so I kept knocking things over and hit my elbow at least 7 times during the workout.
Just thinking about how pathetically out of shape I am, and how funny I must look attempting this workout made me laugh at myself and roll my eyes during the entire video..... I think I got a bigger ab workout laughing at myself than I did from the video....since I'm not even in shape enough to do the workout full out yet....
At first I was discouraged and didn't know how I was going to get through 90 days of having my butt kicked, but then I thought...."If I can really do this workout at the end of 90 days, then it will be so worth it to be in such great shape!" Yay inspiration/motivation! I LOVE the diet.... although it's gonna take some force feeding for me to get that much protein...and some serious willpower to only eat the recommended number of carbs....
But I am excited to get healthier :)
That's all I have to say for today.... or at least all I feel like writing lol. Stay strong, I love you all!
Until next time,
Bon Voyage
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